Ask XY: Open Relationships

Ask XY

How do you feel about open relationships?
Would you be willing to let her have sex with another man if you’re having sex with another lady?

Mr. U – Nah, I think monogamy’s hot. I understand that no one person can satisfy another in all the ways they would like to be, but I’ve never reacted well when I’ve discovered a girlfriend getting intimate with someone else even after we’ve broken up. In my mind, they’re always having the greatest sex ever known…and it doesn’t make me feel good regardless of what’s really happening. I think an open relationship holds the same emotional risk as a threesome: feelings will inevitably change as the dynamic with a third party enters the playing field, and it’s a rarity that everyone will feel the same significance in its wake. There are plenty of men that can detach themselves from the emotion of sex and relationships, and said men have probably had wilder sexual encounters than I have. But I’ve had hotter, heh heh. If I were one of these men, I’d “let” my girlfriend have sex with other men out of fairness. That’s in quotes because it seems to me that permission is irrelevant – if one partner can have sex with a third party, so can the other.

Mr. V – If it’s a casual relationship, then sure.  Once we start to get serious, I would probably start to have issues with it.

Mr. W – Open relationships are never equally positive for both parties, which is to say, one person always gets hurt. If you want to boink multiple people…call it what it is….juggling hook-ups, chicks, friends, friends with benefits, or whatever sounds best to you….none of which qualify as a relationship.

Mr. X – Open relationships never work because one of the people in the relationship will start to become emotionally attached to the ‘other’ party.  Eventually they will want to spend time with the other person instead of their actual boyfriend/girlfriend.

Mr. Y – At that point, you’re really just good friends, right?  The need to sleep with other people is something you have when you have a “fuck buddy” or what ever.  If you hit the point where you want to commit to someone, an open relationship kind of defeats the purpose. 

Mr. Z – She’d have to be real hot and someone I don’t care that much about. 

Check out the Lady’s Responses on the topic HERE! 

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Categories: Ask XY, Q & A, Relationships/Dating, Welcome!

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4 Comments on “Ask XY: Open Relationships”

  1. April 22, 2013 at 9:19 am #

    Aww.. I was disappointed to read this. As a person in an open relationship I have to say that there are lots of ways to be open. It doesn’t always work because relationships don’t always work, but I find it really rewarding and wonderful overall. There is a lot of love in my relationships and you do have to manage insecurities and jealousies, but it’s funny how often I find that when I just talk about it it or examine it it tends to disappear.
    I get where people think you’d have to not care to not fear losing what you love, but I find I am much more secure in my open relationships once we do have some level emotional connection. I think it’s very possible to love and lust more than one person if you do so with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved and you treat everyone with respect. It takes a lot of communication, but I find it very very worth it.

  2. April 23, 2013 at 7:26 am #

    I was relieved to hear this. I thought men would be all for it. I don’t believe in open-relationships. Never have, never will.

  3. Steven
    April 30, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

    I never understood “open relationships” until it was a Relationship Status on Facebook. I admit I was sheltered.

    But seriously, I find open relationships just sick, depressing and twisted. One girl/guy per relationship. That a good idea?

  4. Evan
    August 26, 2013 at 9:30 pm #

    Couldn’t disagree more with every one of these responses. There’s no written law in nature that says an open relationship can’t also be extremely emotionally intimate. Sure there’s social taboo attached to it which messes with everyone’s head and leads to presumptions about whether or not people can be authentically engaged with each other, but these are man-made conventions.

    It seems that it’s just like any other relationship. If both people genuinely care about each other and are on the same page (not pretending for the sake of the other person) there’s no reason an open relationship can’t be completely fulfilling, respectful, and long lasting. There’s also no reason commitment can’t be part of an open relationship. Like any other relationship, the keys would be open and honest communication, support and acknowledgement of each others interests and needs, personal freedom to avoid built up resentment, and mutual respect for each other.

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