My Life is a Sausage-Fest.

Girlfriends
By Shaina

My life is a sausage-fest.  Home?  Men.  Work?  Men.  The two places I spend 90% of my time, I am the only “innie” in sea of “outties.”  But it wasn’t always this way.

For most of my youth/young adulthood, I had almost exclusively female friends.  To be honest, I probably didn’t have a lot of (or any) male friends, because I was always intimidated by the thought.  What do I say?  How do I act?  Do they think I’m cute? Does it matter if they think I’m cute? No… Okay, yes.  I was never particularly popular or cool, but my small group of friends is all I needed—a handful of girls to spend my time with sharing gossip, crying over boys or jealousy, or just hanging around looking through magazines. 

After college, all that changed.  I moved away from my friends, lived alone with my (now) husband and started working in an office of eight men. My communication skills devolved into Facebook status updates, the occasional comments on my friend’s walls or text messages. Now I feel like those girls that I once cherished have become just familiar acquaintances.  For years, not having any significant friendships outside of my marriage didn’t bother me much.  I developed wonderful relationships with my male coworkers and now count many of them as great friends…but they’re the kind that you only see at work.  

However, over the past year, I’ve begun to reflect on my life as it is today.  I am incredibly fortunate. I have a job that I love (and one sustains me financially) with coworkers I actually like and a husband that loves me even when I’m a raging psychopath. I have a home to call my own and the most adorable dog who is excited to see me every time I come home, regardless of how long I’ve been away.  But somehow I have felt incredibly lonely and empty.  I’ve spent countless hours contemplating my feelings and the potential causes of this tremendous longing I’ve felt for months, if not years.  And then it hit me.

I want a girlfriend. 

Hell, I want lots of girlfriends. (The fact that I was envious of the characters on “Sex and the City” should have been a tip off.)

 I began to realize how much I need other women in my life and how relationships with women fulfill me in ways that my relationships with men cannot.  I am lucky enough to be married to my best friend, but at the end of the day, he does not want to talk about make up or gossip with me—he simply does not care.  Although I’ve always maintained that all that stereotypical “girl” stuff doesn’t matter, it kind of does.  It does if only because it’s fun.  I have forgotten how much fun it is to sit around with a bunch of chicks talking about vaginas or who gives us the biggest lady-wood, or how comforting and soothing it is having an in-depth conversation about your relationship with someone who isn’t actually in it.  Girlfriends can make you laugh, make you cry, make you crazy, pick you up when you stumble, be a shoulder, an ear or a hug, be an inspiration, motivation, perspective.  Girlfriends can build you up while keeping you grounded, and that’s something I’ve desperately missed.

That’s why now I am so excited and proud to be part of an organization that champions and cherishes friendship and bonding between women—OAM.  I have a renewed commitment to my existing friendships and am excited to develop new ones.  Nurturing my friendships with women may not completely fill the void I feel, but it is a vital step in developing my emotional self. 

Thank you OAM for reminding me of how very important we are to each other. 

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Categories: Ladies Confess, Spill It: Confessions, Welcome!

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2 Comments on “My Life is a Sausage-Fest.”

  1. April 16, 2013 at 6:36 am #

    The same thing happened to me. In high school I was involved in Theatre and Choir and I felt really good in that close knit community. Now some of them I barely talk to. I go through phases of adding oodles of people on Facebook to reconnect- then sometimes I turn bitchy and I’m like who needs ’em? I found out I wasn’t getting invited to any of the get togethers or reunions they were having with one another. It hurt, I felt left out but just like you I realized I like my life. I’m now in college and I have friends I actually want to talk to on a regular basis. I’ve lost lots of friendships and even though it hurts to lose them its better than being in a half assed friendship when only you are doing all the work. Its about having that balance. Thanks for sharing though, good to know I’m not alone 🙂

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