The Feminine Mistake

“We’re women! We don’t say what we want, but we reserve the right to be pissed off if we don’t get it. That’s what makes us so fascinating! And not a bit scary” -Sliding Doors.

Mind readingI’ve always had a problem with this quote. It describes a characteristic the is apparently inherent to women, which is basically psychotic behavior. If anyone, man or woman, pulled that crap on me, it would make me nuts! And yet, women seem to think that if others don’t pick up on it, it’s the other person’s fault. It’s our genders prerogative! That’s crazy. If two friends of the same gender behaved this way towards each other, you’d think, “This is crazy behavior! Why are you acting like this?” So why do men and women do it to each other?

Say, I’m going out for dinner and my date picks Chinese food, but I actually wanted to get burgers, I don’t reserve the right to be mad if I simply never opened my mouth and said what I wanted.

My husband doesn’t expect me to read his mind, so why should I expect the same from him. I wonder if people realize that the number of arguments fought and amount of time wasted would be reduced to practically zero if we all (especially this type of woman) just opened our mouth and said what we thought. 

Now, because this idea seems so widely excepted, men believe that’s how ALL women act. When this behavior is being reinforced in so many areas (including the media), who can blame them?

I have been in a relationship with a guy who always seemed to be looking for the subtext. Anything serious I had to say, he would come back later with “I think you really meant this, that, or the other thing.” Once, I told him “I don’t want to go to your church with you, because I don’t go to church. I’m not religious.” He later replied, “I think you didn’t want to go because you just wanted to sleep in.” Yep! That’s it! I haven’t gone to church for the past 15 years because I like to sleep in on my lazy Sundays. Sorry God! I stayed up too late last night, gonna have to bail on you! I would be pulling out my hair trying to rephrase my opinions in ways that he would understand, to make him see that what I’m saying is what he gets. There’s no hidden message, there’s no subtext. Take my words at face-value. I don’t understand why you’re not getting this! But it never seemed to work and we broke up shortly afterward.

The point of my rant is this: When it comes to love (and especially marriage) I’m a believer in the path of least resistance, don’t set yourself up to fight over stupid stuff. If we expect others to have the power of mind-reading to fulfill our wishes, we are all going to be sorely disappointed. Just say what you want rather than assume others will guess and life will move along a lot more quickly and painlessly. Cuz the person who doesn’t guess right is not at fault, you are. And men, don’t assume that women are shrouded in mystery. There are many of us who aren’t and it’s frustrating when you don’t seem to understand our plain-spoken words. But if you ARE being treated like you’re to blame for another’s failure to express themselves, know you are in the right.

xo,
Bryce

Bryce

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3 Comments on “The Feminine Mistake”

  1. Liza V.
    February 27, 2013 at 8:20 am #

    From personal experience, I know I have automatically allowed my self in the past to accept the blame and mold myself to be perceived as the crazy one and write it off to ovulation, PMS and menstruation but after some reflection; if anything – my cycle has made me more in tune and aware of sensitivities I excused in others and have not forgiven in my self. It is true, we can’t think or make excuses for someone else…each individual has the response*ability to express themselves and not excuse others or try to fill in the blanks just to comfort our confusion in the mutual connection not taking place.

  2. juliamadrazo1
    February 27, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

    You’re right about how taking the path of least resistance as being one way to keep peace in the marriage. I’ve learned that it’s not that my husband isn’t thoughtful or observant. It’s just that he knows I like a lot of things and he doesn’t know what I want at that particular moment. So when we go out to eat, we have this system that we each make a list of the top 3 places where we want to go. If there’s 1 place in common, we go there. If not, we alternate. Saved us from a lot of the arguments we used to have before we got married. P.S. We also use the same system when deciding what movie to watch, where to go on vacation, etc.

  3. exytstageleft
    March 3, 2013 at 6:27 pm #

    .cheers to not being bitches., Bitches.

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