An Open Letter To My Indecisive Lover

Dear Indecisive Lover, 

First of all I would like to say, “Hello!”  and a big, “Fuck you!”. It has been eleven months and thirteen days since I have last seen or spoken to you. I am sure you can recall but considering it looks as if you head isn’t screwed on straight I will enlighten you. 

Eleven months and thirteen days ago at 3a.m. I sat in your Scion box car as you proceeded to rip my heart to shreds. I believe your choice words were, “I don’t think we should be together… I have doubts… It just doesn’t feel right… I just don’t see where you fit into my future.” I’m assuming you didn’t see yourself asking for me back in the future either. As you watched me sob next to you, you did not hesitate on your decision. I’m sure you can remember. My parents were flying half way across the country the next day to meet your parents. Oh yes, my parents really enjoyed flying into sunny California to their beloved daughter who couldn’t keep her shit together. Enough of the reminiscing of that beautiful night lets get back to the now shall we? 

Seeing you there on my door step with tears in your eyes filled my heart with satisfaction. I now know you actually feel something and it is great to see, I must say. Even though I get a slight enjoyment from it, my initial reaction is to make it better for you. I want to protect you from a world of pain. That was suppose to be your job for me…You did the opposite. That being said, I am not the girl you have once loved. I have gone through some sort of rite of passage for woman. I am confident, passionate and I don’t take shit from anyone. I would like to say I’m a bit wiser now, I mean I do take classes at a community college! (that’s a joke at my own expense. See you’re not the only one I hate) The way I once felt about you is gone, and maybe that is the way it should be. Maybe I will grow another kind of love for you. Maybe I wont. 

Your indecisiveness is infectious to my brain. I cannot seem to figure out what the hell to do with you. I can’t decide if I want to beat the shit out of you or thank my lucky stars. Has God put you back on my radar to show me that you are not what I really want? Or is He showing me that He really does love me and wants to give me everything I ask for? For the first time since I last saw you I can’t remember what it feels like to kiss you. I spent a year and four months kissing you and now I have no idea what your lips feel like. I don’t know what your hand looks like intertwined in mine. I can’t decided if that is a good or bad thing. 

I believe it is every girls fairytale for the man of her dreams to come back and say they were wrong. I just don’t know how that fairytale ends. Does she forgive him and they live happily ever after? Does she say piss off you had your chance and finds another man to cherish her? Maybe she will never get the thought out of her head that every man will never stick around. Maybe she would she rather be alone forever than to forgive. 

I know I cannot protect my heart forever, but for now I’ll put my fairytale endings whatever they may be on hold. 



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Categories: Ladies Confess, Spill It: Confessions, Welcome!


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6 Comments on “An Open Letter To My Indecisive Lover”

  1. January 24, 2013 at 9:14 am #

    Nice! Well said!

  2. January 24, 2013 at 9:51 am #

    Wow! I agree with Naia – well said!

  3. January 24, 2013 at 10:01 am #

    Eleven months is a long time for him to figure shit out. I dunno. Sounds suspicious.

    • ramblingsofabipolarwoman
      January 24, 2013 at 10:33 am #

      I agree and coming from someone who dealt with someone who was forever indecisive and who had her heart ripped out that way, I’d say be wary.

  4. ramblingsofabipolarwoman
    January 24, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    I should write a letter that is somewhat similar to this, you have inspired me. Lady, you need to do what is best for you. My initial thoughts on his sudden change of heart after so long really makes me a bit wary, hesitant, suspicious. I don’t know him and I don’t know you, but still, I’d be cautious. You stand up for yourself and take care of your heart. He didn’t do that back then and not so sure he’d do it now. I am sure it feels good on one hand to hear him say he feels something, to see him cry. And maybe he’s taken this time to find out what really matters to him, but like I said, exercise a little caution. When your fairy-tale ending comes for you, it will feel right and you won’t have to second guess him, his motives, his sincerity. It will just feel right. It took me many toads to find my prince, a lot of heartache, but once I found him….it was easy to see and it will be for you too!

  5. January 24, 2013 at 1:02 pm #

    I am very happily married to an amazing guy but in the past I had the experience of several guys I was involved with (either seriously or just messing around for a bit) either telling me or a friend how they had regrettably messed things up with me. None of them tried to win me back, but they lamented how they hadn’t realized a good thing when they had it and one of my ex’s girlfriend at the time even said he was still in love with me when they broke up. I never wanted these guys back (apart from having low self-esteem at the time and being afraid of being alone), but it was validating to know that they were still thinking of me months and even years after things ended between us (because they had ended it or cheated).

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